Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Things like this do NOT happen to me...

This evening's trek to Wal-mart was not unlike any other. We parked our car, grabbed a cart, and went in just like always. We have a routine in that store these days... Through the garden section, past the pets, take a right and go through housewares, hardware, and automotive, then on to the toy section. Once the Boy has picked out a Hot Wheel, we continue down the back aisle, peruse the movies, walk by the shoes and children's clothes on our way to the grocery section.

Then it happened. Dr Pop and I heard the noise at the same time. I recognized it immediately, having taught 7th grade in another life. Giggling and hysterical girls running at full tilt behind us. I assumed they were going to race past us, but they didn't.

The following is a true account, told to the best of my memory. If you're faint of heart, you may want to stop reading here...

"Omigod! Are you Brooke Hogan?!?!" asked three panting, excited girls.

I looked around, because surely they could not be talking to me. I'm a thirty-something mom for crying out loud! But they kept looking at me, so I said, "No, I'm sorry, I'm not."

"You are, you are! Omigod! Will you autograph our arms?" A ball point pen was thrust at me. I glanced over at Dr Pop with a look that said are these girls for real? and again insisted that I was not her.

They followed us around the toddler clothing section and kept insisting that I was this person. So I looked at them. I asked, "Seriously. What would Brook Hogan be doing at a Wal-Mart in Round Rock, Texas?"

The response? "I don't know, why are you here Brooke? Pleasewillyougiveusyourautograph?!?!?!" I told them again that NO, that is not me and that I would not be signing their arms.

Pouting, they finally left. Dr Pop looked at me and said, "You should have humored them." We continued shopping for groceries. Then we rounded the chip aisle and there they were, with excited, almost scream giggles. They asked again, so I thought What the Hell? and told them to keep it quiet, but yes, I'd sign their arms. More scream giggles. But my duty was done and these girls were thrilled.

I went to find Dr Pop, who had continued on without me, and I heard the girls again, only this time they had a friend with her mother. The mother wanted me to sign her daughter's shirt, told her that they'd hang it in her restaurant (RESTAURANT!) and invited me to come. This was going too far and I was desperately trying to make eye contact with the mom as if to say, "Hey, I'm doing this for the girls, but no, I'm not her!" I don't think she got it.

Finally, I managed to get back to Dr Pop and Boy Pop. Boy asked me, "Are the girls still chasing you, Mommy?" And as I thought that my day could not get any more bizarre, the trio was back, but this time with a camera phone. "Canwetakeourpicturewithyou?!?!"

Now envision this... We are standing in the middle of the meat aisle. I am surrounded by 11 year old girls who are taking turns having their pictures made with me. I think I've had my fill of bizarro world for the time being. Satisfied, they left. Dr Pop, Boy, and I quickly finished our shopping, checked out, and left.

I'm positive my photo is floating out there in MySpace or Facebook, standing next to these girls, with the caption "Brooke Hogan" underneath. I don't know if I should be insulted or pleased.

FYI, This is by far the most flattering picture I could find of Ms. Hogan.

1 comment:

emily said...

That's so weird. That IS a flattering pic of her. I've watched Hogan Knows Best a few times. (I have secret love for Hulk. He was the coolest. Still is pretty cool.)