Stuff

Over the latter portion of this year, a switch was flipped inside of me and I have become increasingly… Bitter? Short-tempered? Frustrated? Bitchy? All of the above?

Yeah. I’ve become all of the above things. I cannot pinpoint the exact moment when that shift happened in me, but it’s there. I’ve even documented a couple of incidents that I furthered along due to my short temper.

I can’t figure out what prompted the change, but it’s a palpable thing. I can feel it in me. I can feel myself fly off the handle on the inside. I absolutely cannot stand this and I want to change, but I don’t know how… I feel the anger rise up inside myself like bile whenever I smile at someone or complement someone at work and what I get in return is not another smile or a “thank you” but rather a look that says, “What the Hell are YOU looking at, you crazy person?” Or the times when I hold a door open for some random person and instead of smiling or being decent about it, I get an eye roll. And here I sit, letting very random strangers affect my mood.

Besides that, I cannot seem to get shit out of my mind. I’ve been accused of being insecure, moody, a bitch, crazy, over-emotional, you name it. Let’s just say that I do NOT react well to those labels, thus proving that I might deserve most of them. It’s a vicious cycle, I tell ya!

I’m not really sure why I’m writing all of this, but it does help to get it all out of my head. I do know that it is time for a change within myself. This is no way to be. One of my New Year’s Resolutions was going to be, “Chill the fuck out about shit,” and really, that describes the root of my problem. But I don’t think I can wait another 12 days or so to implement it… So it’s my pre-Christmas, pre-New Year’s, life resolution… As Dr Pop’s ancient Joe Rockhead t-shirt states: Just Fucking Relax!

And you know what? I feel better already.