A Visual Interpretation of My Current Feelings

As days go, this one has been a decent one. The morning went well, the sky was a little overcast, but signs pointed toward just a blue, partly cloudy sky. The school drop off was the least-eventful of the year so far. We were early and encountered no rude parents.

It was a relatively slow morning at work, too. Easy. So easy, in fact, that I spent a good deal of time working on my annual letter to Boy Pop. It's not quite ready to publish, but I have a great start.

I left at lunchtime to go order Boy Pop's birthday cake and cupcakes for his party. That done, I headed to the party supply store to stock up on massive amounts of Sponge Bob decor. It was absolutely gorgeous outside, too. Perfect weather for the first day of fall... Partly cloudy, not too hot, nice breeze.

Sometime between the bakery and the party store, I got a text from my mother asking about the dates of spring break.

She texted from Houston. From a prominent neurological movement disorder doctor's office.

Swimming in the back of my mind, being firmly pushed there, was the fact that today was the day. After two months of waiting, today was the day my dad either got a diagnosis or didn't. He was either sick or he was getting older. Possibly both. But I didn't want to think about that until the last possible moment. So I answered my mom's text, picked up Chinese food through a drive through, and came back to the office. Where I saw this email from my mother:

Early stage parkinson's. He is going to be a part of a study that is funded by
michael j fox fondation. If he were already on med he couldn't be part of study

I don't know what to think. I should be so thankful, so grateful! So relieved that he has this and not something else. Happy that it's early days. And I promise, I will be. I have a lot of reading to do now.

But all I keep coming back to is this... On October 30, 1995, I lost my beloved grandfather. It was five days after his 55th wedding anniversary. He had Parkinson's. That isn't what got him, but it was a contributing factor.

And today, two months and five days before my own parents' 45th wedding anniversay, my DADDY, my HERO, my wonderful, extremely active, unbelievably creative father just received some devastating news.

So today? I'm heartbroken. I went outside just now, and saw the clouds coming in. They felt appropriate.