7:42

That's what time it was on Monday when Dr Pop gave me a little shove and said, "Are you going to work today?"

Oops.

I'm supposed to be there at 7:30.

And that would be par for the course lately. I don't want to turn this into a bitchy, whiny, complaint blog, but it is my venting space and I just gotta do it to feel better.

I'm overwhelmed. There. I said it. My maid had a baby a month ago and I've barely kept up with the house. I've managed to dust and vacuum the common areas, but beyond that, my house is dirty. Add the toy clutter of a completely spoiled (but not rotten) five year old, compounded by hosting two to four other children on a regular basis, plus an office that is now a climate controlled storage room and closets galore of clothing that has gone unworn for literally YEARS, and I'm just… Aaaaaaaaaaacccccccccckkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!

I like things neat and tidy. Maybe it is the fact that you cannot open a closet or a cabinet in my parents' home without fear of an avalanche that makes me this way, but I want things put away. A place for everything and everything in its place, if you will. But I'm drowning in clutter and it's making me cranky. Add the fact that my house needs a good deep cleaning, and I'm doubly on edge. And if you want the cherry on top, we had friends over a couple of weeks ago and they brought some of their friends, one of whom is an interior decorator. The decorator walked in, DEMANDED a tour, then had the utter nerve to tell me that I should call her to put my house together. It was embarrassing, at least to me.

And I know for a fact that I'm affecting everyone around me with this compulsion to be neat, organized, and tidy. I really just want to take the better part of a day or two and really purge items. Decide what to keep, toss, sell, and give away. And then get it out of my house.

On that note, does anyone know someone who could use 9 complete 5 piece place settings of Mikasa Palatial Platinum china? Never used. Still in the original boxes. Plus a large serving platter, covered butter dish, salt and pepper shakers, sugar bowl with lid, and creamer, plus various dessert and salad plates and small bowls? I estimate what I have that has sat, unused and unopened except to exclaim over its beauty over the past 6 and a half years, is worth roughly $800 should one go buy it at Dillard's. And why should it languish like this in my cabinet when 1) someone else could enjoy it and 2) hey, money!?

See? De-cluttering. I think I'll go put it out on Craigslist this evening.

On the Craigslist posting note, anyone know of someone looking for a LitterMaid? My cats protested it. And peed everywhere they could except for the box. Actually, it was just one cat. The boy. The last straw was Friday night when he decided to take his protest to the mudroom floor, right NEXT to the litter box. And covered my floor in pee. Yeah, that was definitely money well-spent! He was scared of the box. Or maybe he was evil and wanted me to put more effort into cleaning out his box. He hates me, so that explanation would fit. At any rate, I would like to get my money back… Or at least some of that money back.

I know I shouldn't get all cranky because my house is dusty and my bathrooms need to be cleaned, or that there is dinner to be made and a constant stack of dishes in the sink no matter how much I wash them. But I am. And I have been for a while. I leave before my boys get up and I get home and there's an entire days work of things that need to be done at the house. And if I spend the time after work doing what needs to be done, then I'm neglecting the precious time I have with my son and with my husband. They feel it. Hell, I feel it, too. I'm not some career-minded woman, either. I don't work for the glory, recognition, or any of that feminista bullshit. I don't come into the office each day to get fulfillment. I hardly even talk to anyone while I'm here (my job is like the H-E-B commercial, "Get in, get out, get on with your life."). I work to be around other adults and do my part for the family.

So this is my "poor me" martyr post. It's not like I don't have help or anything. But I feel like I have to shoulder all the burden. Like I can't ask for help. And as much as I want the maid back, I don't really have the desire to spend the money out of what I earn to pay for her and I don't feel like I can ask for help with that, either. It's like, the house is MY domain. It is MY responsibility to keep it clean. And if I don't do it all myself, then I'm a failure. Know what I mean? Every day, women go to work and still manage to keep on top of the laundry and the cleaning and the meals and quality time with their husbands and children without any outside help. Why can't I?

So.

WAH.

Poor me.

I am the portrait of an EPIC FAIL.

When does this shit get easy?

I feel much better now that I've vented. Happier posts forthcoming.