Wednesday, February 21, 2007

The best month?

Try month from Hell (of my own making)! There are so many reasons why this month has sucked for me, emotionally. I feel like I’ve been through the wringer and mostly of my own doing. Little insecurities have crept up, little details were missed, unspoken and sometimes unrealistic expectations went unmet, I could go on and on here.

So I was listening to Dr. Laura yesterday and she had a caller on who was extremely upset about something his wife did. Don’t get me wrong, it was horrible. But what she said to him spoke to me. Namely, “If it’s an INCIDENT, get over it. If it’s a PATTERN, get out of it.” She of course clarified her point and not all situations are the same, but her point was that if someone screws up once, shows remorse, and you want to give that person a second chance, DO it. But don’t sit around and be bitter, making the other party pay again and again. BUT, if a person is continuously doing bad things, then it’s time to get out of there.

I think I get it. I hope I get it. I have this bad habit of saying that I’m over this or over that when really I’m not. I sit on it, stew on it, lock it up (but keep that key nearby), and then from seemingly out of nowhere, it explodes to the surface. All the bitterness that I cling to comes spewing forth from my mouth and all of a sudden, life is unpleasant.

Additionally, I am really, really bad about not letting my husband in on certain expectations I have. Here’s the deal, though, I know that he does certain things and I do certain things. They’ve become our roles in the household for better or for worse. Some of my roles I don’t particularly like (dishes, for example). Some of his roles, he doesn’t particularly like, either (throwing away my half-empty stray diet coke cans comes to mind). The thing is, I’m always going to try to throw away my trash and I know that he’s going to make an effort to rinse off his plates. But sometimes we slip. Okay, most of the time, we slip up. So instead of harping on the fact that something wasn’t done (AGAIN!) that we might not have ever verbalized to the other person as something we’d like to see, maybe we should praise each other when something good happens.

Dr Pop told me last night (about Dr. Laura) that he hated “that bitch.” But he shouldn’t. That "bitch" gave me some sound and good advice. And it will make me a better person to be around. So I’ll still read her books and still try to implement her ideas. They may not all be relevant to our particular situation, but she has a lot of good, common-sense advice on how to live a better life and be a better person to be around.

So maybe the month of February must be chalked up as a “refresher” course and a reminder that I’m not perfect. Hoo-boy, am I ever NOT the portrait of perfection! And I sometimes forget that doing the “right” thing (Dr. Laura’s sign off each hour) isn’t always the comfortable thing or the easiest thing. And the “right” thing may not be the one that suits MY personal interests all the time. I need to focus on making sure that I am always doing the RIGHT thing for my husband and child… The RIGHT thing for my family.

Sometimes it takes a kick in the ass (figuratively, people!) to realize that some of the things you feel justified in doing aren’t RIGHT. So this might not be the month from Hell after all!

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